The Jousting Tool

So pretty much I have an insane amount of stories .. not really a good thing most of the time but every time something crazy happens to me I think, 

"Hey, at least it's a good story!" 

Most of my stories are from my ridiculous dating life and how I always seem to end up with cavemen, pretty much. I've heard EVERY excuse and lie known to man but MOST of the time whenever I get screwed over it's because of the dreaded 

EX-GIRLFRIEND! 

I think I'll start on my most recent adventure since it's the freshest in my mind.. 

SO let's call this guy Liarhardt ((since I would rather not use real names and that one amuses me for this particular guy)) and this one trashed my heart more than anyone else in my world. 

So our story starts out so amazing.. he found me on that addicting website, MySpace. I transferred to his high school the last semester of my senior year ((another one of my stories)) and according to him.. he was always "curious about me". So we talked to each other on there for a little bit but one of his messages threw me off since it was kind of creepy and a little TOO much information for my taste. So I didn't answer him for a little while after that ((mostly because I was dating someone at the time.. another good story!!)) so I was in the Coast Guard at the time but I was getting out and moving back home to San Diego within a couple of months. So that whole story with the other guy played out and ended tragically by the time I got back to San Diego ((let's just say LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS NEVER WORK)) and I was bored one day and finally answered Liarhardt back. He answered me within a couple of days and put his phone number saying that we should do something. SOOOOO one day I called him but it went straight to his voicemail so I left a message. The next day I got a text from him saying that he was in Yosemite at a fire ((he's a firefighter)) and that we could do something when he got back. So to make a long story short.. we texted each other back and forth and it was all good THEN he called me one night and we had THE TALK. You know.. the fabled conversation that proves that one person is the one for you. It was a NINE HOUR CONVERSATION... I have never talked to a man for that long in my life. It was completely comfortable and funny and just perfect. So, of course, I was smitten. But maybe I should rewind  little bit... one of my best friends had told me earlier that day that I should steer clear of Liarhardt because of reasons I would rather not make public.. that's WAY too personal. But.. I didn't listen!!! I should have but then again.. "Hey, at least it's a good story!".. right? You tell me.. SO back to the "Night of the 9 hour talk" .. he cleared up those things my friend told me earlier ((which I'm sure he was lying about)) and after that night.. I was hooked. We talked every night that week for at least 6 hours or more and texted each other all day. We had SO much in common.. we made each other laugh hysterically.. I felt like he was already one of my best friends. 

So during these conversations he mentioned his ex girlfriend but never to an extent where I knew the IMPACT she had on his life. Apparently this girl did the typical "I want to party and be young so I'm gonna cheat on you for a while.. then decide I want you back" ((I'm sure almost every girl around the age of 19 has done it)) but again.. I didn't realize what a big deal it was at the time when we first started talking. 

So the next week we went on our first date and it was perfect.. amazing... and all that romantic comedy shiza ((shit in German.. HA)).. he was handsome and witty and kind of crazy just like me.. the whole package! So blah... blah.. blah.. stuff happened and we became official .. he actually carved a heart out of a piece of wood and carved "Will you take the real one?" on it. Cheesy, right? Well my heart melted and I was sure he was my soulmate. Oh yeah and of course, I made the mistake of becoming TOO intimate with him TOO soon... stupid girl move. But at the time.. I was sure he was it for me.. he was my penguin :P So he started getting weird for a few days and then one day OVER THE PHONE.. he suddenly ended it. He said that he had too many problems and wasn't in the position to have a relationship even though HE WAS THE ONE who initiated everything from the start... I was just going with the flow as I usually do in relationships. So I was devastated and felt like someone close to me had died so I decided to erase him since it was too hard to think about him or know him at all. But one day on Myspace he messaged me and we started talking on there again and blah.. blah.. blah.. "I know I want you in my life" ... "You're the type of woman that they would have made greek statues out of" was said.. and he told me the "real" reason why he ended things. He apparently had STOMACH CANCER ((which turned out to be NOT really cancer but something else a lot less serious)) so of course, I felt bad .. I wanted to help him and BE HIS FRIEND. He also said that he wanted to let me into his thoughts and tell me things that have happened in his life that he has never told anyone. So I went to his house and he was drunk ((pfft)) and he told me A LOT about horrible things that he has gone through ((again.. too personal to share on here)) and I felt close to him again. But at this point we were just friends.. a couple days later we went to the movies and he kissed me and said that it "felt right" ((he said that a lot throughout our relationship..)) and we made it official again. Things were good.. we pretty much went to together perfectly like pb&j but there was always something bothering me about him in the back of my mind but I couldn't put my finger on it. A few weeks went by and one day we went to a museum and throughout that whole day.. he was texting someone. I knew it was his ex but I didn't say anything since I don't normally get jealous and knew he would talk to me about it eventually. So we had a good day ... the next day I went to his house and we just played video games all day.. but I was still curious about that texting marathon the day before. So he was in the shower and just like a nosy woman.. I looked in his phone.. and EUREKA! I was right.. it was his ex.. she was in there as L ((I didn't know her name at the time but we'll just call her that on here)) and it was basically saying how much she missed him and that she needed him in her life and that she wanted to see him. He was telling her about his "cancer" and that maybe they would be able to see each other on Tuesday ((it was a Friday)) SOOOOO I was pissed and I made sure he knew it. 

He got out of the shower and I was sitting on the floor playing PSP with quite a grouchy look on my face. I asked him what his ex's name was and he said L****. So YEP .. it was her. I told him that I looked in his phone and he said that he knew and that he left the phone there so that I WOULD look in it ((uh huh)) .. and he explained that she destroyed him and that he was playing mind games with her so that he can destroy her right back ((uh huh)) and I believed him. So he was going to get her hopes up basically and then not show up so he can mess her up or whatever ((uh huh)). So blah.. blah.. blah.. some time went by and things were good except that sometimes he seemed really down and he said that he just needed to heal.. he was just still depressed about her. But he assured me MANY TIMES that he could NEVER get back together with her ((red flag)) and that he was nothing but mean to her anytime she called or texted him. I KNEW that she was only doing this because he had a new girlfriend and she felt like it was a challenge so just HAD to win. Tons of girls do it everyday all over the world.. 

So one day he called me from work saying that L had called him and told him that she went on a road trip with that guy she cheated on him with and had sex with the guy ((what an accomplishment!)) so he felt like she broke his heart all over again. So we went to the movies that night and he said that he had something funny to tell me about her. He apparently called that guy.. we'll call him Oblivious ((ha)).. so Liarhardt and Oblivious talked all about L and how she was playing both of them since she would text Liarhardt ALL THE TIME saying that he was what she needed emotionally and that she still loved him BUT she was still having "relations" with Oblivious and Oblivious had no idea that she was talking to Liarhardt still ((hence the name, Oblivious)) and I guess that guy broke up with L after that stimulating conversation and she freaked out on Liarhardt since she obviously wanted to keep both of them. So apparently this was hilarious to Liarhardt and frankly I was sick of hearing about her since I knew he was only doing this because he WANTED them to break up and he still loved her but STUPID ME stayed with him anyway. 

So throughout our relationship he would tell me things like "I found my partner in crime" and that he was "lucky" he had me and he wanted me to "Build him back up so that he could be mine" .. he would constantly say things like that but he also would say that he felt like he wasn't the man he wanted to be and that normally he would "steal my heart" everyday if he wasn't so depressed about L. But we stayed together and I was incredibly optimistic.. I was SURE we were supposed to be together and I reassured him all the time that he was who I wanted. 

So my birthday rolled around and he went to dinner with my family and met everyone then the next day Liarhardt and I went to Six Flags. He ended up not liking the roller coasters since they hurt his "sensitive" stomach ((even though he chewed tobacco all the time.. hypocrite)) so we had to leave early but I was OK with that since I read a book called A New Earth ((everyone should read it)) and it really opened my eyes to how life should be lived... pretty much I don't take things so seriously.. or try not to. So we drove back to SD and the next day we went to dinner with HIS family since it was his sister's birthday. He was acting weird.. but he said it was just a headache. BUT on the way home.. he asked me what was wrong and I said that I should ask him the same question. He said that even though he's talked about it before.. he felt extremely guilty in our relationship since I'm such an upbeat person and he felt like he was dragging me down. He said that he felt like he was forced into the relationship ((Ha! He initiated EVERYTHING!)) and that he just didn't have enough emotional energy for me at that point in his life. He said he needed to heal on his own and being with me made it worse since he didn't want to drag me down with him. All these things he was saying absolutely shredded my heart... I NEVER wanted to pressure anyone or make anyone feel bad.. especially someone so close to me. So he dropped me off and I said that I would be his friend and for him to do whatever he needed to do to heal. I would wait for him since I told him before that he was worth the wait. He said he would call me the next day. He never did. The next 3 days were a blur of pills .. dreams.. darkness and tears. All I did was stay holed up in my room.. sleeping.. crying and never wanting to wake up again. I have never felt that because of a single person before and I was genuinely scared. I finally crawled out of my hole and told my dad what happened. He thought I had gone on a trip! He told me that I shouldn't give him another chance no matter what. I didn't listen. 

I felt a little better after I finally ate something and showed my face in the world again! Like I told Liarhardt.. I was still his friend. I texted him saying "Thanks for calling me like you said you would" and he just said that he hadn't wanted to talk to anybody and he was sorry. I told him that he destroyed me and that I hope he was proud of himself. I've never been so angry in my life.. He had to come over the next day to get his camera ... but first he decided to post a comment on my MySpace page.. "Heartache is my middle name" .. PLEASE! Rub it in a little more! He ASKS for heartache.. it's his middle name because he wants it to be.. it should have said "Self-pity is my middle name" so that comment pissed me off and I called him to tell him. He said that he didn't mean anything by it.. he just had to say SOMETHING to me ((good choice of words)) so I said fine and for him to call me before he comes over. I decided to write him a message on Myspace just to get a bunch of stuff off my chest so it talked about how I thought he just liked negativity and that there's no reason to be depressed and how L was just playing games with him.. blah .. blah.. blah.. it was really long. I told him to read it before he came over and he did.. he got to my house and I asked him what he thought.. he said he didn't know.. he said that it was kind of insulting because I said he was deceitful for filling my head with BS lines like "I'm falling in love with you" ((he did say that)) and I said well.. it WAS deceitful ((right?)) but he said he meant those things WHEN he said them ((uh huh)) so anyway.. we talked for a little while and I said that I was feeling better and he said he always liked my optimism. It seemed like he didn't really read the message since he pretty forgot what it said.. gee.. thanks. I pretty much wasn't feeling better but I wanted him to think that since I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of my misery. He left. So some time went by and at one point he messaged me saying that his Mom asked about me and that she got mad for him breaking up with me and that I was extremely beautiful and he said that he agreed with her. Why would he tell me things like that? What's the point? To just add to the stabs in my heart? Pretty much. So I called him and told him that I couldn't be friends with him anymore because it was too hard. But my problem with him is that I can't ever stop talking to him... he said he would call me that night. We talked for about an hour and I wrote for like 5 hours in my journal ((I like to write.. haha)) so I finally felt better. But this whole time.. I thought we would be together eventually. I thought he just needed to heal.. I was wrong. 

So one night.. I saw the gorgeous night sky and thought about him.. then went on Myspace and he was on so I decided to call him. We talked like we used to.. and it was comfortable.. funny and just perfect again. We talked for almost 4 hours and he asked me if I wanted to go hiking with him the next day ((say no!!)) .. I said yes and we did.. it was perfect, of course. Like I said.. we just mesh perfectly.. we laughed .. talked .. walked.. sat in a comfortable silence.. ((I love how we can just do nothing or be silent and it's still fun)) and he took me home. He hugged me and said thanks for the company.. the next day I was running errands and I just had to say SOMETHING to him so I texted him about my sunglasses or something stupid like that. He asked me if I wanted to go to a movie with him ((say no!!)) and I said yes.. so I went and he flirted with me but I didn't do anything back since I didn't want to get hurt again. We parted ways again and I went out with friends that night.. the next night I was at a friend's house and I was drinking which ALWAYS impairs my judgement... we ended up texting each other and he decided to come over ((oh geez!!)). I was pretty tipsy by the time he got there and we all played cards for a while and when people left.. him and I just sat at the table and stared at each other for what felt like forever. I felt like we were looking into each other's souls.. I felt like we were completely connected. He drew out the lines on my palms and said that ours were the same. ((He has such a way with words..too bad that's all they are.. words.)) We decided to leave my friend's house and we went into my car and talked for what felt like forever.. I told him about another guy I was sort of seeing .. he said a lot of things to me.. he said he was actually jealous.. he said that whenever he's in my neighborhood.. he wants to go see me.. he said my eyes were amazing.. he even asked at one point "What if I said I love you?" .. I was in 7th heaven.. he was coming back to me... I knew he would.. so somehow he went into his car and we got pretty damn intimate for like 4 hours until the sun started coming up. We fell asleep for a little while and then we went home.. I was so happy after that.. we were together again.. Pinky and the Brain were reunited AGAIN!! I fell for his lies again. So a day later I got a message from him saying that he enjoyed himself and he was hoping to talk to me. 

The next day I got a text from him saying "We need to talk"... that really is the WORST thing you could say to someone that you're intimate with. I was freaking out since I had no idea what he needed to say but I finally got it planted in my head that he wanted to be with me again so I was excited. He finally called me an hour later and said "I know this is going to sound retarded to you" ((YAY..he's going to say he wants to be with me again!)) "But I decided to work things out with L****"... Wait... what... did he say work things out with YOU? So I said.. "With who?!" .. "With L****" ... wow.. I was speechless.. "It just seems like the right thing to do" .. "I gave her my heart a long time ago and I love her" wow... "So what was Saturday night about?" ((me))... ((him)) "It was just us being drunk and wanting to have sex with each other" ..wow.. my already thrashed heart was just ripped out of my chest... I said that I couldn't talk to him anymore and he said he knew.. he sounded so perfectly fine.. which killed me. I told him that he was a bad person in my eyes and he said that I was only saying that because he was hurting me. No.. pretty much everything he did makes him bad person and I'm sure anyone on this planet would agree with me. I told him that karma will come back to him and cheaters never change so she's just going to do it again. He said "OK" and I said that there was no need to drag it out and that I hope he has a good life ((not really)) .. he said the same and I hung up. 

She won. That's the first thing I thought... she fucking won. Wow.. I was shocked.. I could never understand HOW in the hell bad people seem to always get what they want. But pretty much.. they are 2 of the most deceitful people I have ever come across so they deserve each other. I'm sure she will screw him over again but I really don't care at this point. I won't be there for him if he tries to come back.. he gave up a person that would never even DREAM of hurting him for someone who already has and that's always going to be in the back of his mind. When's the next time she's going to cheat? .. Is she lying about where she was? .. Am I good enough for her? .. He always said so many bad things about her and that he was always looking for the wrong girl and that he finally found the right one ((me)) so I hope he enjoys the miserable company of the wrong girl. 

I learned my lesson yet again .. I need to start watching out for the red flags but at this point in my life.. I'm not going to be searching for anyone. I'm done helping people who don't deserve it... being kind to people who are a waste of time... so from now on I will do what's good for myself.. everybody else can just fend for themselves. 

Over and out, 

Brittany the Conquerer